Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  August 12, 2014 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

11:00 pm
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome. thank you very much. welcome to "the daily show." very excited to see you here tonight. we have a tremendous show. we've been planning it almost all day. my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, helen thorpe. she is the author of "soldier girls: the battles of three women at home and at war." but first, before we even get to the show, before we do anything, it's been a long summer. we've got good news. good news. they don't even believe it. [laughter] just sitting there waiting.
11:01 pm
good news? i'll give you that. the summer started out a little doomsday-y. you have your putin being sanctioned. he's calming down, maybe putting a shirt on. [laughter] you have a ceasefire finally in gaza. oh, please let it hold. time for everybody to take a breath, calm down. it's all good. >> ebola alert. >> fast-growing ebola outbreak. one of the most feared and deadly diseases on earth. >> surging out of control. >> jon: what the [bleeped]! oh, my god. what the [bleeped]. [applause] [bleeped] that's going to make a good gift. all right. [bleeped]. first it was war. then it was plaismg we're either in the end times or a sci-fi original movie. we're all in danger. >> the world trade organization reports there are now 1,603
11:02 pm
cases in west africa. [laughter] >> jon: oh, well, that's terrible for those countries. i didn't realize. all right. i guess i won't be needing this. why don't i just cut it up for parts because you got cut the hood up before you throw it away, otherwise i think dolphins get stuck in it or something. [laughter] >> there are new fears tonight about the ebola outbreak right here in new york city. doctors at mt. sinai hospital are performing tests on a patient who is showing possible symptoms of the virus. >> jon: mother [bleeped]. [laughter] [cheering and applause]
11:03 pm
how do we even know this patient has ebola? >> the male patient arrived here at the emergency room early this morning with a high fever and gastrointestinal symptom, which could be caused by many different illnesses. >> jon: yeah, no kidding. he's got a fever and diarrhea. that's it? i mean, you're saying he could have ebola, or maybe he just got his lunch here. [laughter] it's what we in new york call our-bola. [laughter] did you know all new york doctors are trained to ask, have you been to west africa or eaten at a salad bar that also sells condoms and cigarettes? well, while we wait for the results of the ebola test, i'm sure the hospital is taking every precaution. >> the hospital said all the necessary steps are being taken to ensure the safety of
11:04 pm
patients, visitors and staff. the hospital says they will continue to work closely with federal, state and city officials. >> jon: i'm not an epidemologist or immunologist or versed in disease control, but a good start to a solid quarantine i think would be shutting the [bleeped] door. am i wrong here? [cheering and applause] i mean, right now you're trying pull a quarantine. ebola could just flow right outside. it wouldn't even have to hurry. do-do-do. probably this guy doesn't even have ebola, but if he does, is the city screwed? >> one doctor tells me even a actual ebola case in new york city would not be cause for panic. >> it's not like flu where it can be carried in droplets in the air. ebola needs direct contact with bodily fluids containing the virus.
11:05 pm
>> jon: i don't know about you people, but i think dr. aflac here just gave me some ebola. right here. direct contact with bodily fluids, huh? [laughter] so maybe it's not too bad, even if this patient is infected, we can handle one case. it's new york city, baby. as long as all the other cases stay out of the country. >> the second american doctor infected with the ebola virus has just landed in atlanta. [laughter] >> jon: so we're importing ebola now. that's got to be the worst airport pick-up gig ever. now, don't these people realize ebola has no treatment, no cure,
11:06 pm
no treatment. sure, you bring 'em here to the united states. what are they even going do for these patients? >> doctors are trying out a brand-new approach to fighting the disease with an experimental serum. >> top-secret serum. >> magic serum. >> breathing straightened out, the rash on his body went away and his vital signs returned to a more normal state. >> jon: oh, my god, there's apparently a cure for ebola for americans. [laughter] i imagine there's a continent right about now going, um, i have an idea, why don't you save the mosquito nets and give us some of that ebola juice. meanwhile, senior health correspondent jessica williams has more on the potential outbreak. jess, thanks so much for joining us. oh, my goodness, thanks for having me. >> jon: thank you for being here. >> thank you. >> jon: jess, is this really happening? >> jon, ebola's real as
11:07 pm
[bleeped]. it is right here in new york. >> jon: jessica, are you serious? >> yes, jon, i'm so serious. ebola is in new york spreading fast through chelsea, the west village and tribeca and especially locations within a few blocks of the 123 subway line. residents in those areas must leave their apartments now, jon. now! >> jon: jessica, that's incredible. this is the first that i have heard of this, that i have been told of this. you've broken some news. just those neighborhoods, jess? >> well, i mean, jon, it could also hit a cub l nice neighborhoods in brooklyn, too, but definitely nothing off the g train, definitely not. [laughter] >> jon: jess, are there any more specifics? >> oh, yeah, hold on. i'm being told the ebola could really hit hardest in prewar buildings with good storage and washer dryers. yes, jon, and i really mean
11:08 pm
in-unit washer/dryers, not any of that next door, around the corner bull bleep. really. >> jon: i see. have you heard anything in the outer boroughs, queen and the bronx. >> [bleeped] no. ebola is not going there. , no jon, ebola is definitely not present in queens, but if you live in an upper west side one bedroom with big south-facing window, original details, a steam shower and a doorman, you definitely want to get the hell out of there. definitely. >> jon: jessica, you know, i hesitate to bring this up obviously. your credentials reporting in the health field are impeccable. >> thank you. >> jon: but it appears you're using this ebola scare to create a real estate opportunity for yourself. >> what? >> jon: that's just... >> jon, how dare you! i am a professional news woman of authority. i would never ever... [coughing]
11:09 pm
>> jon: jess? jess, are you all right? >> i got the virus, jon! i have the dangerous ebola, jon. i think i need to be quarantined up in that penthouse for $1,100 a month and like no brokers fee. >> jon: all right, jessica williams, everybody. we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] padvil pm gives you the healingu at nsleep you need, it. helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest. advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. hing your favorite players come on, get open... yeah... with nfl mobile on verizon. yes! get in there! go, go, go, go, yes! let's go, drew. the "not-so-good more" would be them always watching you. go for it, paul!
11:10 pm
get open! come on, paul! let's go! hustle! what is that, chamomile tea?! uh, lattes. you wanna take a nap?! get the "good more" with nfl mobile, free with the more everything plan. exclusively from verizon. now get 50% off all new smartphones. ♪ have the experts at o'hare party prepair replace them with tositos fajita scoops! these chips have red peppers you can actually see. no wonder they taste like fajitas. we'll even install a jar of delicous and cheesy queso blanco dip. your party will be movin' and grovin' in no time. tostitos... ...bring the party!
11:11 pm
what's up, george? massage chair. my little indulgence. dunkin' french vanilla swirl, my little indulgence. indulge in the sweeter, creamier taste of dunkin's new french vanilla and hazelnut swirl coffees and lattes -- try one today!
11:12 pm
>> jon: thank you. welcome back to the program. now, as you know, america believes in name brands. you're ford, you're johnson & johnson, you're kardashian. you know what you're going to get. but what about when it comes to politics? we have more. >> america is gripped with a lot of uncertainty these days, but the election 20616 will offer a bit of security. >> i think something that's exciting about the election 20616 is you have two brands that you know -- hillary clinton and jeb bush. >> that's right, the coke and pepsi of politics are back. >> if it's a clint brand, you're all good to go, a bush brand, all good to go. >> so obama, he's like a generic brand almost, like an off brand? >> yeah, he was brand that we had not heard of before. >> when i was a kid, i remember my dad got me a four-stripe adidas. i don't want a four-streep adidas president. >> i think we can both agree on
11:13 pm
that. >> exactly. why would you want to shop for a president at family dollar? thankfully 2016 will have names you can trust. >> this is exciting because we know the brand. we ain't got read the brochure. >> you've seen the movie. you're just waiting for the sequel to come out. >> we tried our black guy phase. it's over. now we need to get back to what works. >> which is clinton or bush. >> i was going to say white dudes. >> or white women. >> yet some, like political scientist jonathan zimmerman, refuse to acknowledge all the time that could be saved by going with the name you know. >> we don't need a brand name in the white house. it's a giant country and we should be casting the widest possible net in trying to find able leaders for ourselves. it doesn't matter what their name or their blood line is. >> would you vote for philip hitler? [laughter] >> i don't think anybody named
11:14 pm
hitler is going to run for president or anything else. >> because that brand is ruined. >> i wouldn't personally care what the guy's name was. >> you wouldn't care what phil hitler's name was? >> no. but lots over people would, and phil hitler, our imaginary phil hitler would know, that so he would run as phil hoover or... >> what about fred bin laden? >> i don't think he would do that. >> yes, the great family names of this country tell us who we are as a nation. so what would you rather eat, this delicious, suck lent mcdonald's burger, or this burger made by some dude who has been crafting burgers with all organic handmade ingredients? >> the burger crafted by the organic craftsman dude, of course. >> you mean coke and french fries and that mcdonald's hamburger, i'm done. >> sadly other's share zimmerman's dangerous point of
11:15 pm
view. >> if we can't find more than two or three families to run for high office, that's silly. >> what if zimmerman and babs are right? maybe we shouldn't just depend on two or three families. there had to be someone else out there, but who? >> i am the great, great, great granddaughter of our eighth president, martin van buren. [laughter] >> i don't see it. oh, wait. oh, yeah, i see it now. you got the whole thing. that makes sense. lily van buren was perfect, an offspring of a president so forgettable he wouldn't offend the left or the right. now, obviously the van buren name is synonymous with... what is it synonymous with? i don't really know.
11:16 pm
>> integrity. >> okay. >> inbred leadership qualities. >> you might want to stay away from "inbred," but go on. >> martin van buren had the gift of leadership. >> she had to run. the only thing left was to test this new-old brand before the people that mattered most, potential staff there's would work for free. i bring to you the next president of the united states, lily van buren. [applause] >> my fellow americans, are you better off now than you were 126 years ago? i will free america from its dependence on big whale oil. we will stop the persian empire from getting the gatlin gun. yes, we will. >> that's right. >> it was a success. look out, jeb, hillary and phil
11:17 pm
hitler, this classic american brand is back. >> it's all about the name and you have the name. so thank you so much, lily van buren. >> well, on my driver's license, i'm mary lee wickmer. >> wait. what? wickmer. that's my married name. >> well, close enough. >> jon: we'll be right back. kfc 5 buck fill up. couple pieces of chicken, gigantic mashed potatoes. a biscuit, and a cookie. and a drink! [chuckles] you can eat the cookie first, if you want. if you want, if you feel that way. it's your choice! it's amazing. yeah. every summer, my nana sends me a check for $5. it's a pain to cash, but when i do, i can buy all of this for $5. i need to write her a thank you letter. yeah, you probably should've done that way long ago. let's chow down. spork! ♪
11:18 pm
when delta bath...g") ...shower... ...toilet... ...and faucet innovations... ...make getting clean... ...just as beautiful as getting dirty, that's... happimess. see what delta can do. remind me to tell her happy anniversary. [ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any flower shop. sure thing. remind you when you get to flower shop.
11:19 pm
i can't do that either. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. [ beep ] oh wow! thanks for the traffic alert. i better get going. now that is a smart phone. ♪ oh, wait ♪ it's 'cause you make me smile ♪ ♪ oh, wait (vo) ours is a world of the red-eyes. (daughter) i'm really tired. (vo) the transfers. well, that's kid number three. (vo) the co-pilots. all sitting... ...trusting... ...waiting... ...for a safe arrival. introducing the all-new subaru legacy. designed to help the driver in you... ...care for the passenger in them. the subaru legacy. it's not just a sedan.
11:20 pm
it's a subaru. i lochecked bag.free with my united mileageplus explorer card. i have saved $75 in checked bag fees. priority boarding is really important to us. you can just get on the plane and relax. i love to travel, no foreign transaction fees means real savings. we can go to any country and spend money the way we would in the u.s. when i spend money on this card i can see brazil in my future. for a limited time, earn 50,000 bonus miles. offer ends september 2nd. ♪
11:21 pm
[cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, an author. her new book is called "soldier girls: the battles of three women at home and at war." please welcome to the program helen thorpe. hello. how are you? >> i'm great. how are you? very nice to meet you. thank you. >> jon: thank you for being here. >> my pleasure.
11:22 pm
>> jon: what a wonderful book. "soldier girls." you know, war stories are so difficult to tell beneath the kind of tent or caricatured vision that people have, to tell the story of women at war. it's such a different place to go with it. the book feels very fresh in that way. >> thank you. >> jon: how long did you follow and how did you choose the women that you followed? >> so i met them first in 2010. and at that point they had already done two tours of duty and were back. and i spoke to them. actually, i spoke to them for four years. the whole project took four years. so they went through hours and hours and hours of interviews with me. >> jon: very revealing. by the way, their courage not only to go into those war zones, but in the way they discuss their lives. >> i thought they were incredibly brave and candid. they shared with me letters and e-mails and diaries, even
11:23 pm
therapy notes. >> jon: it was interesting, their challenges were different. you have one woman who had three children, another who was single, another who was going to be a grandmother. >> right. >> jon: even though they all knew each other, they come from very different places. >> right, really different life stages. so i met the youngest of the three women first. her name in the book is michelle fisher. >> jon: which is not her name. >> it's not her real nhl she asked for a pseudonym. about half the individuals i interviewed wanted to use pseudonyms. michelle fisher was 18 in the spring of 2001. she did not think of herself as a soldier or somebody who wanted to join the military, but her mom was on and off welfare and her dad was in and out of prison, and she really wanted to figure out how could she go to college and have a different kind of life. she didn't want to do factory work, which is what was available. so she walked into the recruiting office for the national guard and signed up really intending to be a part-time soldier.
11:24 pm
when she was in training, 9/11 happened, and she got right away that her life was going to be really different. >> jon: i thought what was most interesting about this is in the books that i've read about male experience in war, there's a certain camaraderie that you never get beneath, but this opens up a door to the interaction between soldiers that is very different and fraught with a lot more complication in terms of interpersonal relationships, you know, out of marriage relationships, drinking. it is a lot more... there's a lot more depth to it. >> so these women were, you know, deployed on these multiple lengthy deployments, first to afghanistan, then to iraq, and the work they were doing was fixing broken ak-47s in afghanistan as weapons mechanics or in one woman's case, when she's in iraq, driving a supply gun truck at the front of a supply convoy. then to relieve the stress from
11:25 pm
these lengthy deployments at home, feeling isolated and lonely the work of the women did have affairs with men who were married who were their colleagues, and one woman ends up drinking. she wants a cocktail at the end of every day and she ends up relying on alcohol to sort of get her through the deployment. >> jon: sure. it was interesting, too, because they're a bit of a rare commodity over there, so this idea that the males are kind of fighting for their attention in ways wanted but also unwanted, and it shows the difficulty they have in having to navigate even forget about the enemy environment, their own environment. >> yeah. so because they're serving in a mixed-gender battalion, the ratio is like 2-1 roughly in their own battalion, men to women, but they're on a military post alongside of all-male infantry soldiers or foreign soldiers from different countries that are all male, so the ratio on the post itself is even more skewed many more men to women, and they are scarce commodity.
11:26 pm
the youngest in the book, the youngest woman, michelle, is finding that everywhere she goes, the men are reading the name tag on her army uniform and calling out to her by name as if they know her, from the moment she leaves her tent until she gets back to her tent at night, it's non-stop attention. and then you have debbie, who is 30 years older, she's in her early 50s, she's thinking, wow, it's a long time since i got that kind of attention and she's not getting quite that sort of attention, and you can see it from different vantage points depending on their age. >> jon: wow. that's what's incredible about it. it gives a view almost from a 180 of what we're accustomed. it's a very valuable addition in that way it seems. thank you for coming only. >> pleasure. >> jon: have the women read it? >> i gave them the manuscript before it was published so they could read it. i wanted... you know, it's work of journalism. it wasn't like an authorized
11:27 pm
biography or anything like that, but i wanted them to read it and know what was coming out, and i wanted to hear their thought, so they endorsed the project. >> jon: oh, they did. so it's not like they read it and went, i will never speak with you again. >> they read it and each of them had some concern about some family member where they had told me something revealing about their daughter or their boyfriend, and then they wanted to protect other people, but they said all this stuff i told you about myself, yep, that's the way it happened. >> jon: wow. that's terrific. do you guys still get together? yes. >> jon: that's nice. >> and michelle fisher has a crush on you. >> jon: michelle fisher has a crush on me? [cheering and applause] [sing songs]: i know what's in her diary. [laughter] well, thank you very much for coming and sharing the story. "soldier girls" is on the bookshelves now. helen thorpe, thank you so much. ♪
11:28 pm
♪ ooooohh!!! ♪ what it is, what you want? yeah. ♪ live your life right ♪ make the beat the bump ♪ it's like one for the treble ♪ two for the bass ♪ three for the pretty babies up in the place ♪ the undeniable! ♪ come into the party in a b-boy stance ♪ i rock on the mic ♪ and make the world wanna dance ♪ fly like a dove ♪ that come from up above ♪ i'm rocking on the mic ♪ and you can call me mos love ♪ little homie you can call it what you want ♪ but you can't call it weak ♪ and you can't call it chump ♪ and looking like that ♪ babe you need to call me up ♪ seven eighteen d-a-n-t-e, one what? ♪ oh baby. ooooohh baby! ♪ ooooohh!!! ♪ yeah yeah. yeah yeah. yeah yeah. ♪ boy in green shirt: boys i don't know can you? guess you don't want doritos. [loud crow screech] ♪ [boy whistles] [dog groans] ♪
11:29 pm
hah! [dog groans] [crunch]
11:30 pm
check out our jalapeño barbecue chicken or beef short rib enchiladas, handmade with fresh premium ingredients like house made corn and black bean salsa. chili's top shelf enchiladas. more life happens here. refreshingly sweet and intense.d hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. >> jon: that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> i watch the news because i'm a kid.
11:31 pm
apparently grandpa just gives me the remote, i have to watch the powerball. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! good to have you with us! nation, i
left
right